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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of Asian philosophy who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man (http://www.auratransformation.org/blog),” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in the Man Up private Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/manup...) and answers based on his experience coaching (https://www.auratransformation.org/co...) tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade."
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In this episode, we’re going to talk about how to communicate sexual desire without being sleazy.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up.
Welcome to episode 4. In this episode I’ll be answering a question from Michael. Michael asks: How do I communicate sexual intent and desire with a woman without being seen as a douche bag or sleazy. I tend to date more aware and enlightened women, not so many club girls and flaky girls. Not judgmental at all there, are we? Okay, so cool, how do we communicate sexual desire without being sleazy. First of all, I get the sense that from the tone of the question, that there’s a lot of shame associated with sex there, Michael. That being: having sexual desire in some way makes you less enlightened or less aware or it makes you a club girl or a flaky girl – well I guess flaky girls are bad, they’re bad – but club girls, not all club girls are flaky or bad.
So there’s kind of a judgmentalism already there and if that’s the case, it’ll leak through in your sub-communications. Just your tone and the words you’ve chosen, the categories and dichotomies you’ve created here and within just one sentence, have displayed quite a lot about your values. And if your values are not in line with being sexually open and liberal and free, that is not judging a woman for having sexual desire - you can call it dirty or naughty and that’s fun - but if you really think it’s really sinful to have that desire then that’ll come out. This is very common that’s why we’ve chosen this question. This is just part of the whole Madonna-Whore complex that all men have grown up with. If you don’t deal with it explicitly, you’re carrying it. If you’ve never thought through it consciously and worked on it – you’ve got it. I’m not going to go into the reasons why and how it comes up but you’ve got it.
"To read more, click here: http://www.davidtianphd.com/mindset/how-to-communicate-sexual-desire-without-being-sleazy/"