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To My Young Black Sisters... A Word on Guys & Dating

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This is a message for young black women, namely those college-aged and younger, but it can also be for any black woman who is frustrated in the dating arena. It was inspired by a conversation I had today with five high school students, as well as my experiences raising teenage sons and watching what some young black women are having to put up with these days. Feel free to share it with young woman who you think might be in need of some encouragement in this area. Also, let me know who might be a good candidate for one of my 2 Fine + 2 Fabulous 4 Foolishness mugs and magnets as well as a crown necklace (I will give away ten). See them at http://www.eformationqueen.com/products2.asp?category=6.(item E).
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Text Comments (18)
Jay Jacksonville (2 years ago)
I am surprised that you have a condition/preference for Christianity (religion) but, have no preference/condition for nationality. Skin color is in no way just a color. It relates to lineage, history, and culture. The same religion would make it easier but, the same lineage wouldn't, huh!? SMH
Atarrah Kelly (5 years ago)
Thank you so much this was so inspiring
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Good, I am so glad to hear you say that!  I struggled a bit as I tried to decide if I really wanted to go on record saying these things.  However, as I listen my sometimes "lump head" sons and their friends, I realized that young black women could use the encouragement as well as a possible strategy revision.  :-)  Anyway, good luck out there!
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Thanks so much, and you too!
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Thanks so much, and you too!
blackn brown (5 years ago)
May God Always Bless You.
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
I hate that too, and that's the thing I am trying to make sure does not happen to my boys. Another conversation/future video will be some of the stereotypes young black men have about "us", which sometimes leads them to make ignorant statements about who they won't date. However, their butts will be cut off if I hear that foolishness. On another note, do you believe that every guy who could be interested in you will always express a romantic interest in you first?
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Thanks so much, and you are quite welcome. However, she is at the point where she is taking her own path, which I am having to respect. This means I cannot speak as freely to her now as I do in my videos. So I do more praying for her now than talking. That is the thing about kids -- you put all you can into them while they are kids, and then you pray that they will make good decisions or at least come back to what they learned early on. Beyond that, you share with whomever will listen. :-)
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Thanks so much my dear. Well, Mr. Right won't always approach. My husband did not approach. He was as nonchalant as can be. I initiated conversation. I asked him to dance. After our first date, I asked him out for the second one and offered to go Dutch because I knew he was a broke college student. I called him and wrote down points of conversation because he barely said anything on the phone! Sometimes, we have to be vulnerable, and approach if you see something you like.
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Yep, I agree. We can't always sit back and wait. If I had done that, my husband and I would not be getting ready to celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary. He was shy and not pressed about making the first move, but I saw what I liked, and I went for it. So, I say go for it!
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Oops, I forgot to respond to your first comment... If you check out some of my first Finding Mr. Right videos, I talk about how I met my husband in college -- I told him he had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen (they are hazel), and then I asked him if he wanted to dance. I met him at a party that I went to BY MYSELF. I am not ashamed to say, I was the aggressor. If I wouldn't have been, we probably wouldn't be here getting ready to celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary! So APPROACH!
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Pt. 3: As I said, they, and the girls I made this video for, are young and who they are dating now may not be who they wind up with, so it may be in parent's best interest not to freak out and make a big deal over it. I just try to watch motives at this point, so I can casually try to point them in the right direction. Young men are funny because some of what they say about the young ladies they don't like is similar to what older black men say, but that is another conversation altogether. :-)
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
Pt. 2: It is funny that you mention this because I picked my son up from his predominately white college, and he was telling me what a wonderful experience he is having from classes to making friends (male and female), as well as to be elected dorm president, how the girls love him, blah, blah, blah. So I tossed out a casual, "You may wind up marrying a white girl based on what I am hearing and the pictures I am seeing..." and he said, "I want to marry a black girl." I was pleasantly surprised.
eformationqueen (5 years ago)
The reason I opened my mind on this is because of where we live, and there a limited number of black girls in their school, and often there may be only one or two in their classes, if that. I have a friend who does not want her son to date anyone other than black girls, and I told her that I would find that hard to enforce since we put them in this environment where they are mainly exposed to white girls. So this is how I became more understanding of these changing times...
dizzydazl (5 years ago)
I agree. I hate when people say they don't date a certain race because not everybody within one race is the same. I can also relate to A. Johnson's comment. I'm black and of all the men I've met, only black men have expressed a romantic interest in me. The rest just end up being my platonic friends.
niesha davis (5 years ago)
it might depend on who you are hanging out with. Do you hang where non-black men are? Do you put yourself out there? Maybe do some flirting of your own?
A Wilson (5 years ago)
You give great advice and trust your step-daughter is not out of the age where she needs it..I'm 27 and enjoy hearing your wisdom. Thanks so much as usual for sharing whats on your mind, heart, and life experiences. Stay Blessed & Fly~
Andreea J (5 years ago)
Hi Carolyn! Another great video, I agree with what you are saying. I'm totally open to dating men outside my ethnicity. However, these men don't approach me or ask me out for a date. What do you do as a young black woman in this situation?

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